Archive for October 2008

A dream unthreatened by the morning light could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

October 30, 2008

I want to live. Not to just go through the motions every day, go to class, maybe get excited about something in class, go to practice, do some cool stuff, and then go home. That stuff is the core of what my life revolves around now, yes. And I’m happy with that. But that’s not truly living.

I want to run around like a crazy maniac without caring, to dress in whatever manner suits me that day and not care if people judge me. I want to feel a deep excitement for life and the things it brings, not just for what I’m doing at MIT. People here think it’s great when you’re really passionate about something, and you’re working toward exciting goals or aspirations. That sort of academic mindset just doesn’t do it for me anymore. The other day, I was walking to Central Square, and walking down Mass Ave, I finally felt so alive and a deep feeling that comes with a cool wind going through my lungs, a place where people are who they are and are not judged for it, and an atmosphere of just being. Forget classiness, professionalism, and judgment on qualities that do not innately mean anything. I’m tired of people valuing and judging others for their accomplishments, mind power, skills, or ability to do five million things at once. What about people’s intrinsic qualities, their ability to do ridiculous things without worrying about what other people will think, a person’s ability to see beauty in something no one else does, or a person’s ability laugh and love without regrets or looking back? I think that at a place like this where your passions tend to consume you, and for that to be the respected way of life here, makes you miss the deeper feeling of just living for little things, for the feeling of joy you can get from nothing, and the feeling that you are truly and absolutely alive. That feeling in your core of release, freedom, and of your soul just freely exploding from your chest, that is what I am missing here.

Happiness dancing in flowy skirts.
Living in the moment.
A refusal to conform.
Letting go.